The Latest From Dude's Verbal Vault

I've got a whole lotta cuteness to report on from our Dude's verbal vault.  Most of these can be found on Facebook, but I know not all of my followers get those updates.  Here ya go....

Someone stole Tim's snowboard out of our garage.  Dude is quite bothered by this (as are we financially).  This morning he tells Riley about it and says, "Riley, dose guys need to be punched."  I hesitate, because that isn't too far off, but of course can't promote violence.  I say, "No, we don't ever hurt people.  That's not how we deal with being upset."  He says, "No Mom, like a time out.  Dose guys should be pppuuunnnsshhhed."  "Ahhhh...you mean punished?"  "Yes Mom!  Punished." 

Our friend Abby had her baby and dude says, "Oh good.  Dat baby Brooks hatched from Abby's belly.  Just like Rea Rea hatched last time." 

We're driving to daycare and Dude says, "Woah Mom!  Look at dat FULL moon!  He must have had a HUGE dinner last day!" 

The other night I say, "Tim, there's a huge draft coming under the laundry room door (it was -10 outside)." Dude jumps up, mouth agape and says, "Mom! Dere's a huge GIRAFFE coming under our door? WHERE?"

Dude saw 2 Santas in November (sat on their laps for the first time in his life too). Last year he negotiated by sitting on the floor in front of Santa and talking loudly, straight ahead. One night before bed he says, "Mom, dat number 2 Santa is NOT the real one from the mountains. His beard had curly fings in it and da odder one was straight." He's already outsmarting us in the Santa department, which is disheartening.

Rylan announced that he had an exciting new invention to show me. He proceeds to call me to the bathroom, where he's peeing, using the handy, new found hole in his underwear. I said, "Neat buddy. Did Dad show you that?" "No Mom. I found it! ACTUALLY, my HAND found it for me!" Oh dear. Not already.

Rylan is sitting at our kitchen island and says, "Mom, dis week I wanna get me some BIG BOOBIES!" I'm terrified to dig deeper into this random request. But I have to. "Come again buddy?" He holds his arms up in the air and says, "Ya know, BIG BOOBIES!." My fear is escalating. Not already God. He's only four. He then shows me a "People" magazine open in front of him with a picture of a six packed shirtless celeb on the beach.  Pecks. He wants pecks. THAT I am okay with. I tell him to each his broccoli and when he gets older, his dream for boobies will come true. Well, that or a eat a boat load of ice cream and chocolate cake.

My darling son is in the downstairs bathroom doing his business and he yells up, "Mom, I have a whole lotta toots you know AND baby Jesus is poking me in the tummy." Rylan and Jesus. They have a special kinda relationship.

Rylan yells down the stairs, "Mom! I have an amazing invention about my boogers!" I didn't dare speak. "Mom! I can flush dem into da toilet wif my pee!" Ahhhhh yes. Perhaps this is the "higher intelligence" his pre-school teacher refers to.

Tim tells Rylan to "settle down" last night. Rylan responds with "I'm gonna smell the flowers (breaths in dramatically) and blow out the candles (breathes out dramatically). Genius. Thanks Mrs. Williams. We'll be using that one for this point forward.

I'm pulling out of the driveway for work, saying bye to my Rylan, who is sitting on the front step waving. As I drive down the block I hear him screaming, in perfect Beatles tune "I love you yea yea yea, I love you yea yea yea, I love you yea yea yea yea......" A grab your chest moment.