Mile High Vogels: How Many 30 Something Women Does it Take to Mow a Lawn?

So, I just mowed the lawn for the first time without my hubby's assistance. Sounds simple right? Yeah.....it wasn't. A play by play has been narrated for you below. It's long, but I think you'll find it worthwhile.

"Dude, should Mom mow the lawn for Daddy?" "Yes, okayyyy! Wylan help."

Mom gets the mower started, first try and starts jumping up and down in excitement. We've gone this route twice in the past with no success, so this was a step in the right direction! For 2 seconds...I didn't pull the bar down fast enough, so it kills out.

10 minutes later...still can't get the stupid, 20 year old beast re-started and by this time the engine is completely flooded. We sit down and wait for a man to walk by who can help. No one comes. Oh wait, my lovely neighbor Maria exits her house with 2 year old Riley. Together, we try, to no avail. In the background Riley and dude fight quietly over his play lawn mower and Riley covers her ears in anticipation of the real lawn mower firing up.

We're about to give up, convinced that it's not our lack of strength but the fact that the engine is flooded. Low and behold, the 200 pound manly mail carrier pulls up. Maria and I look at each other... "Excuse us. We have a manly job and wondered if you might be able to help us?" He furrows his brow and looks up at us, not knowing what to say at this point. "We can't, for the life of us, get this mower started and figure if you can't do it, we'll call it a day." Relief washes over his face. "Sure, I'm willing to give it a shot!"

Manly mail man gives it a couple pulls and sure enough, the thing fires right up. We all start cheering (Maria and I, not the manly mail man) and he goes on his mail man way. I start the mowing process and Maria says, "It's not actually cutting the grass!" In fear of stopping and it turning off, Maria pushes it around the yard while I call Tim for help. Riley and dude are now screaming at each other over the play lawn mower and another neighbor pulls up to drop something off. "Tim, the mail man started the mower, but it's not cutting. What do I do?" "The mail man did WHAT?" My other neighbor stands there, holding the envelope for me, staring at us like loons and says, "That's why we have an electric mower."

Tim tells me what to do with the black bar and Maria gets it in cutting mode. We start chearing in excitement again and I tell her, "Go! Go! Don't let it stop!" I hang up on Tim and take over. Maria and Riley head home, congratulating me on the way. Then dude starts following me, screaming louder and louder. I just smile and say "Yeah!" since I can't hear him and he starts getting REAL mad. He wants a hug. Really?

I fear that I'm going to have to quit half way through, until my savior Maria sees the commotion and takes a crying dude away from me into the comfort of her home. I finish the lawn 10 minutes later and go to retrieve my dude. Maria says, "Aren't you gonna do the back?" I say, "Yeah, not a chance."

I was gonna be real proud to show off my freshly mowed lawn to Tim when he got home, but he undoubtedly already shook his head in embarrassment over the fact that I not only needed Maria's help, but also the mail man and phone assistance from him just to get the freaking thing started. Hey, I've never claimed self-sufficiency when it comes to stereotypical manly duties, but I give it my all.